Friday, 31 December 2010

The usual new New Year

It's six o'clock, so lets have dinner
Before the countdown starts at ten minutes to twelve
And then it's time to stand around
And say happy new year
Like we did last year, and try not to picture
What thrills may await us
Though thrills they may be, they could also
Disarm us
But for now it's six, so lets just have dinner
We will drink tea now, and then later
White wine
And at midnight champagne, from the city of love
And love we shall for a new year begins
Old feelings can simmer
When it gets to nine, we are all in the lounge
It's all just a game, until twelve
But not literally because we don't play games
No, it's debatable television
Which asks us
'Are you all ready at home?'
For the new year? For the clock to strike ten?
As ten strikes we start on the wine
And the comedy marathon takes up some time
I feel like we're wasting time, waiting for the new year
But when the clock passes twelve, the waiting will start
For next year, which is funny
Because nobody expects the first two minutes to mean anything
I'd like to make them meant something one day
Maybe make a decision, get married
Have a kid, fight crime, find something, find someone
Be me, find myself
Or just have another glass of light champagne
And suddenly it's past eleven
Twenty minutes to go
I wish a year added to my collection would change my opinion
But I'll just drink from the city of love instead

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Just a dream

What's the point of sleeping
And dreaming, gently dreaming
When the quality of tomorrow
Will be the same, but gently breezing
To the dusk, when we will ask
What's the point of sleeping
And dreaming, gently dreaming
When tomorrow's dream will be the same

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Lie to me

Tell me lies
And I will drink your tears
Implode with hard indecency
Until the breaking, tearing, crashing
Breath
Of honest, painful truth

Sunday, 28 November 2010

White Cliffs

Broken aching song
Flies south, along the treasured shores of
Glass. Haunting cracks of dirty windows falling
Splintered icy criss-crossed
Drawing. Across, the bleeding skin at
Dawn, sun smiles down on waves
Washing the broken song
To new sands, in mist and foam
Crashing into cuts of stone and
Jagged cliffs.

Friday, 19 November 2010

Untitled

When the metal splits and cracks and wipes
It's mouth
And breaks over the darkened waters
That glide softly beneath the wash, so silently
As if dead

Sunday, 24 October 2010

To My Other Heart

It's the broken smile of someone watching other people smile
You fixed, the sore dry throat, cracked and dismissed
Whisps of moments stood back as new ones were written
As the slow trickle of honeyed desire slid deliciously down
Treasured like a single stranded cob web
So I could put into words, that I wanted to talk to you, fuck with you
Share days with you, months with you
Mellowed soothing, hushed, secret whispered tones
Half remembered forgotten memories retraced
Against my palm
That hand on my back, that hand is my other heart
And I felt every stroke that was bestowed solemnly to my core
When you touched me, you were touching deeper than my wanting skin
To the twisted sinews that the tiger boasted, to the burnt out veins
Carrying burnt out blood
And time will never heal this wound that my other heart requested
But I'd never ask the pain to end
And end all else beside it
A many layered gift, signed, from life to me
I need to send this back to you, to my other heart
Unwrap me


Friday, 22 October 2010

The Woods

Into the wood I went

Into the dark impending darkness, desolate, dissolved

A thousand scattered diamonds, across the floor

A thousand unanswered questions, thrown down

Melting off branches in the wind, in autumn funeral

In petals of thought in peals of wood

Into the wood I went, stepping from path to path

From stream to stream to trodden grass

Twelve o'clock the bells contract

And birds swim across the thinning mist

Skies dark, above swaying trees, unseen in the dusk that has fallen

Down here.


Alice fell down and down

The tumbling maze, the turning tracks

The holes in which shoes will roll

She landed solely on her feet, upon a checkered square

In the wood she came, into the wood she left

But the wood will never leave her mind

When she fell so from the path


She waved goodbye, shone on through thickening thickets

And sank into the dank earth, the salty earth of the wood

The foot sinking into the puddle, a child playing in mud

The mother angry, plucks her out

But she has no mother, and the foot no body

And so she sinks, after twelve, for now it is twelve fifteen

And soon awakes the dead

Displacing her grace, rising in thick smoky columns, lumbering

Through forest deep, along the path, on which they once walked

Looking for Alice, in the closing hole

Of the rabbit


I wandered lightly through now, barely touching the ground

Tripping slightly, barely making a sound.

Between the stalks, egg white flesh leaps expectantly

Expecting a welcome, clawing leaves, shredding grasses with

Their feet. Becoming bolder as she has gone

And left them to run. In the wood

Nobody can hear their screams, now they don't exist.

So they reach towards me

As I run through the wood.


To love was to become solitary

A rich velvet curtain, pulled, across the bed

Dirty grey light drifts in clumps, writhing limbs in tangled

Swollen lips, sealed shut, unyielding

Throaty singing, black lines race up to meet salty corners

Red silk sways, sway

Adorer c'est être solitaire, mais vous êtes pas dans la forêt

You are in the wood of another, in racing fields

By racing streams, criss crossing meadows, feet bare, legs lean

Curtain falling, falling, down

Singing, singing, softly drowned

Writhing limbs shuddering to a distant drum, echoing past

Trees, twisted in place, tortured, swollen like the lips

Of the singers


Si tu veux un amour durable; être préparé pour la pluie

Droplets will scatter, a myriad of fallen stars at your feet

Unless you piece together, un coeur brisé

Alors vous verrez la pluie comme les étoiles dans le ciel


Unlasting love

Fog bred fast, through the wood

Love bled last, in the wood

Till all left felled was grass

And wispy smoke


Burning ashes blow around, bones buried under ground

Hands reaching never meeting, over newly blackened land

Sing on great singers of ages past

Sing through the cold, black inky night

And wake tomorrow in tumbled sheets, with strangers rocking

By fire grates, to stave off the ever welcoming dream

Where ashes dance, and bone filled earth crumbles near

Blistered feet.


Adorer c'est être solitaire

Comme les étoiles dans le ciel


And after the ball, there was silence

All around, and the trays were carried out

Chairs folded away into hidden closets

Half eaten meats returned themselves to the pantry

And then there was silence.

At the end, of the dining room, large

Wooden stakes sit, high and regal, with souls

Speared on each point, they shiver, and squirm

But resist resisting, in the cold hall that had once

Bustled warm in the winter ball


The serving girl cleared away the last of the dishes

Then approached the long alter, to pardon the souls, caught

On the bridge between worlds, but in nearing

She aged, until wrinkled frowns crossed her brow and she

Stooped to the floor, aching knuckles sore

She finally arrived at the sterile plateau, and kissed each

Forehead in turn, dry lips cracked gently brushed

And stepping back down the hall, her nails grew strong

Hair grew long, creases filling, spine unwinding

The serving girl continues her business, fog fogging her thoughts

Now quickly receding

Her minute of fear sinking back down, seeping into the barren land

Meeting the ashes of the bones, buried further down

Eyes embedded, closed throats strangled, lost in the washes

Of her mind, whisked away in darkened recesses

The souls are forgotten, and the ball holds her memories transfixed

The lights and laughter, food and passion, dirty curtains pulled across

Secret moments, flowing wells of ruby wine, and burnt out hearts

That know not how to see the barren death around

They talk and whimper in hushed soft tones

While the deadly mist pulls all who eat at the sordid banquet

Into the crypt of mortal imprisonment, until all the world

Is fast asleep.


Rich heady smells rose to each cracked skull

Turning towards the ground, they breathed

Filling themselves with ancient musky dirt

That cloaked their vision of passers by

And darkened trees rose up against the sky

And whip their branches down skeletal backs

Drawing droplets of blood from their stoney spines

That trickle and fall

On disquieted earth.

Till the earth stops crying and the men stop dying

And the dead stop bleeding and falling and lying

On twisted roots of troubled pasts

And the trees stop whipping the tortured souls

That labour on

In the wood.


Convulsed. They convulsed, with muted cries

That fell on deafened ears, racking they convulsed

Till groaning, new souls were birthed into the harsh light

And the leaves nestled round to protect them

From the wailing, chalky dead still listening

Ever listening, for the footsteps that fall into the soil

For a traveller wayward walking, into the shadows

Into the trees, into the wood.

Memories

They’re falling from the sky again

I can see them drifting, grey butterflies

Of ash

Fluttering slowing in the dead wind, in the warm

Wind. Edges are blackened, dust is falling with them

Carrying them, bringing them down on in a mirage

Dust, the glass-like quality of the road

The red, hot stain of the footpath, trodden over

And forgotten

Shielding my eyes from the sting of ash and dust and grit

And turning east to the new horizon

I dip, stumbling

Ash piling up, a desert behind my aching back

Pulling

They’re falling from the sky again

In grey streaked rains, that fall fallen

Dead

Thursday, 21 October 2010

I am Old

I wear my skin like a russian coat, my body taut
And swaddled
No wisdom with age, only silence, silence caught on the stitch
Of a needle
Though experience gnaws, I am able, to feel uselessly used
And disabled
I am old, I am old, sunken eyes tired, aged
Sightless
Throbbing pains flower over my body, slowly blooming
Softly falling
Though I'm ancient, though I've dreamt a thousand dreams
I'm only waking
To the rest of the world, to it's ambitions
Roughly shaken

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Inside

You have changed me deep inside
Pulled strings not known to either mind
Hollowed out recesses and stripped down strands
Of thought and hurt

I am the sea
And you the sand

I don't like the caves created
I don't like the fleshy strands, hanging down
I don't like the fog around my judgement
Like a thick cloud, winding it's way
A cancerous poison
A dangerous weapon
Through my core, my heart, my all

I am the waves
And you the shore

I have said things I've sworn never to say
I have hurt some people
And disquieted myself, and fallen far
Along the way

I am the night
And you the day

I've used metaphors I'd never use
I've thrown dramatics I
Now despise
I've listened to your heart
And answered mine
And cared for us in a dark pit
Where daylight freezes
In icebergs of hell

And I am the oyster
But you are the shell


Saturday, 18 September 2010

Her

The dull, draining pointless monotony
Of the grey slanted, soul less heart
Of the people coming, going, coming
Moving, walking, moving, running
Of the same in, day in, day out
Day in
A car drives past, again
Again
The gently seeping, bleeding wound
Opened, weeping, closing
Healing
Each person sat in each small room.

The lakes fill and rise
As if emptied by
Her graceful mind
She touches buildings
And whistles fast through streets
And slows down slowly
Draping her arms along aching shoulders.

The day starts in the traditional way.
The evening closing with it's usual
Flourish
And people move as if the sky pulls them
Upwards to an end
There is an end
But not here
Here the day will start again.

Streaks fly past the platform
Inordinately heart stoppingly
Stopping
They struggle on
Fighting crowds
The crowds will still be there tomorrow
When the clocks start once more
In the station's hall
That never ends.

Birthday's rip the seams
But soon they will be
The abyss of yesterday
Torn paper strewn on the floor
Amongst the scatterings of the last year
A year that though gone
Has not yet finished
As empty balloons are tied to doors.

Lying on the ever moving waters
She lies
Her hands trailing in my head
In every shoe on every foot
Fingertips on nerves
She glides

Her lips are sealed, for not a whisper
Can ere escape from Time



Thursday, 16 September 2010

Pipes

Sleep out mist
Forced through
Pipes
The sigh escapes
Through the
Mouth
Of the day

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Night of Glass

The street moans and hums
And burns and runs
Down pavements, lanes
The light's are out
And no one's home

Broken glass lies underfoot
Light pools in puddles
Where dropped keys lie
Abandoned, dead
Without a cry

Windows blackened
Darkened, chastened
Curling mists halt
From old brick chimneys
Quickly stifled

Wet roads steam
Off heat from the day
As rain pounds
And rubs
Them cold

Paper flaps down
Flying, soaring
And dies
On the grey land
Barren, deserted

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Falling

Blindly echoed anger
Falls, on fallen, beating ears
That ring

Lost

I want to smear my face sideways
Across smooth hard marble
I want to shout until nothing comes out
Not even a whisper
A whimper
A moan
Until my face and voice have gone
To where they were lost
And cool darkness is left
And brave eyes look upwards
Into the black

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Missing Soul

Deep sweet melody
Aching, slow
Throbbing, flowering
Playing so softly
Opening wounds
Tenderly licking
Tightening, tighter
Playing to me
Stretching, breaking
Staining
Long song, love song
Inflamed, soothed
Raining

The Warming Room

I see life through fogged bus windows
Dirt filled days through a film of rain
Empty seats that rise and fall
Whipped around the warming room

The cold marble against which people
Press their faces, separates the world
From far off places
And drives the bus through driving rain

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Suicide

He was looking at me
When I shot him
He fell to the ground
In silent mockery
Blood, everywhere, and nowhere
Nothing is real
And everything is.
So often our hearts had beat together
Now only mine was beating
His had a bullet through it
His eyes screaming why
As I knew they would
For the rest of my life
My shoulder was aching
From the recoil of the smoking gun
I hugged it to myself as he bled out
Then I knelt down
Said I love you
But he was dead, so it didn't matter
It was done
Lying down next to him
In the warm pool of his blood
It was difficult to understand
What had happened
It had felt like suicide
In my mind my mouth filled with blood;
I was choking
But in reality
I was still very much sadly alive.

Sunday, 8 August 2010

Paper Dolls

I watch from the train's long window
Dark spurts of hilltops, mugs of greenery
Crying lakes, blurred horizons
And mist soaked traditions
The richly dancing landscape
Plays against my eyelids
Jumping scene to scene, a wild lawn
Trees strung out, a string
As if from paper drawn

Friday, 30 July 2010

The Cat

Black unfurling
Round your wooden legs
Stumbling
Black uncurling

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

An Affair

The cup was dirty. Old. Cracked, torn, shattered, dead. As if a cup could die. A lipstick smudge taunting the rim, garish against the grey ceramic. Red against the dead corpse of a cup. The handle was missing, probably on the floor. By the door, which had slammed. The cracks in the cup ran up from the missing handle, dirt ingrained in these cracks, making them striking, dark, dirty. The cup was abandoned on the table, alone in the sea of emptiness. The other dishes and cups and utensils, cleaned, put away, hidden. But this cup was dirty. This cup had lipstick bleeding from its remains. Inside the cups was dried tea. Not normal tea, not earl grey, not lady grey, not mint tea, but jasmine. Jasmine tea. Pungent, staining. Had needed straining. The odd leaf plastered to the side, splayed across the wall of the cup. The cracked, grey, dead wall. The cup was dirty.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

An Random paragraph from my novel

“Laura, Laura! Wait up!” I yell at her across the sand, but it’s to late she is lost in the excitement of a child, running over the wet sand and chasing the waves as they skim over the shore. By the time I catch up to her she is drenched, she may as well of jumped into the sea. Laughing I wrap up close her in my arms. “Jonathan, you worry too much, live a little”, she pulls free and skips over the sand again. Suddenly, losing all inhibitions I follow her at a run.

Later we walk more leisurely, it begins to rain, big fat pellets of water, which soak our clothes, so I pull her closer towards me, my arm encircling her tiny shoulders. Then we give up trying to stay dry, although I think Laura had given that up a while ago and lie down in the sand, watching the grey clouds overhead and feel the rain dripping down our faces. She moves in closer to me, arm draped contently over my chest.

And in the end we fuck in front of the sea, almost at one with the rhythm of the waves now crashing into the rocks. Soon the tide will reach us and we will be literally in the sea, but no we make our way back along the shore just as the waves are licking at our toes. Shivering, we make our way back to the car to dry out. “People are only this happy in films”, Laura says. I don’t reply, for of course as usual, she is right.

Black Tar Leaked

Withering away
Robot centre, mechanical
Medicinal, dependent
I didn't stay
Every minute longer
I walk alone, away
Further
As you withered
Soon to die

To watch you lose
The battle
As black tar leaked from your veins
Was selfishly too hard
To sit with you and stay

Then when you had gone
Then when you had died
Away to pastures new
And darkened
To naked eye, and distance seen
They all said so had I

Monday, 21 June 2010

Tracing Love

It was like sinking into soft sand;

Supporting the each sole

And soul.

The sand that has cooled in the dusk

And dampened from morning waves

The next day the sun struck through the covering clouds

Burning through the protective trees

And layers

And it was like sinking into burning ash;

Scorching each sole

And soul.

Blackening something good

Sparking corruption

Then, when the lightening struck

I was walking on glass

And shards

And it was like walking over dead marbled land;

Meaning nothing to my soles,

Or soul,

Because my hope had been written on sand.

Saturday, 5 June 2010

War Zone

Head aching
Mist dropping
Fog forgotten
Blood
Splattered cruelly
Glass splintered
Poisoned, meanly
Gasp, aloud
Loud
Louder
Deafened

Monday, 31 May 2010

The Quality of Pain

I drove my fist into the brick wall. I couldn't even feel it. Not the throbbing of broken fingers, not the broken skin, not the broken heart, and not the sting of self-reproach. I turned and walked away. I could hear her calling me back, calling me first softly, then louder until I turned the corner of the road. It was all for the best. I looked down at my hand. Blood caressed my knuckles, licking the edge of my sleeve. I looked away. Nothing, it seemed, was going to hurt ever again.

Saturday, 29 May 2010

Questions

Why?
Questions
Tounges running around teeth
Click
An answer?
Probably not.
We'll see

Would You

If I died tomorrow
Would you go
Through my room
See the paper, pens
Mugs, photos,
Wires, boxes
Towels, buttons
And would they hurt
The pencils, socks,
Hangers, dirty shirt
That I had since forgotten ?

If I died tomorrow
Would you cancel all my plans,
All my post it notes
Reminders, memos
Of things I'll never go to
Scattered
Piercing yellow
A paper trail of hopes
Tracing bursting shelves
Would you pull them off
To crumple?

If I died tomorrow
Would you read through all my things
Read my notepads, diaries
Emails, poems
Stories now.
Myths and legend
You understand.
If I died tomorrow
Would you discover
Who I am?


Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Old Love

Streaked across the skies

In beats of love

Against the black night

Forever darkened

Playing dead... ?

He had gone. But still I lay there. I didn't move until I heard the truck screeching out of our driveway. His driveway. "Dinner at six". He said. I stood up, dizzy, sick. My cheek stinging, my thighs sticky. I felt dirty. Stumbling to the cracked sink, I washed the blood off my face. Purple flowers had begun swelling up on my arms. The delicate ribbons criss-crossing my arms in broken hieroglyphics. Moving was a bad idea, immediately I felt faint and leaned heavily against the wall. Today I wanted to leave him more than ever. But I couldn't leave. He didn't know about the affair, he didn't know I was pregnant and he didn't know I was using him. So instead of leaving him like my body and mind was screaming to do I started preparing dinner.

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Murder

If I wanted to murder someone I would shoot them. I would point the gun at their heart and pull back the trigger. Pull back from sanity, from morality, from the edge. I should aim for the head, after all that is conventional. However it wouldn't be their head I want to blow away, it would be their heart. Then I would walk away. Being caught would not be the primary situation to avoid. Staying of prison would not be the main target. The main target will already have been completed. The primary situation past jurisdiction.

Friday, 21 May 2010

Two sides please Mr Hyde

'Mr Hyde I know you have problems
Let's talk
Said my shrink
You can't hide
Mr Hyde
For the rest of your life'

So I lay on the couch
And I told him
Most of it
That I have two sides
Not one, but two
And of them's me
And the other is too
Then my shrink said
'Yes but who will you chose ?'
One of my sides is easier to be; one of my sides is easier to show
And just for show
My soul is cooked, steam baked
Stewed
Beaten, stolen, broken
Used
Who am I? uttered
Without a clue

'You are both a difficult patient
Schizophrenic
Narcissistic
Academic
Why don't you tell me?'

But I don't know
I'm just me

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

iWork

Worked hard
Slept hard
Thought hard
Broke often

Wanted change
Made change
Talked, ate
Laughed

Made promises
Kept secrets
Broke trusts
Stole pieces
Hearts that is

Coughed up
Made up
Stored up
Forgiven

Hidden thoughts
Became open thoughts
Locked doors
Left open

Worked again
Hard
Too hard
Too short
Not enough

Made plans
Changed plans
Luck held
And broke

Loved again
Straightened kill
To feel again
Lost again
Apathetic still

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Frankenstein's Wife Inspired by Carol Ann Duffy's The World's wife

I made the tea
Brewed as usual by
That pot with the crack
He never got it fixed
Not that it matters
I don't drink tea
Not that he knows that

So I made his tea
Went to take it down
To his lair
All the way down the cellar stairs
To the cellar

And as usual
Light bulbs flashed
I Waited for them to flicker
Like watching the kettle boil
Like waiting for his call
Like him waiting for his dinner

When I entered his
Room
Just a room
He said oh you've brought my tea
That's right my dear
And I noticed an unfamiliar man
Sitting in my old chair again

The monster.
He wasn't happy with just me
He needed the monster
The creature
His creation

I didn't fit his ideals
I wasn't controllable
Intolerable
Show off-able
Degradable

He was looking at it
Telling it to love him
And I should of said
Just because you expect
Someone to love you
Doesn't mean someone
Will love you

A few months later
I began the affair
We met after hours
I fixed up my hair

The creature
Although my husbands creation
Was not my husband

And eventually
Just as the creature
Killed his ex wife:
Elizabeth
And was shunned
I killed the creature's ex wife:
None other than
My husband





Friday, 16 April 2010

Forgotten

I was forgotten
Not found but lost
On ocean wide
Floating, endless night
On tide
Lifted on the waves
Suspend me
Come chastising seas
Commend me
In forgetting
What I ought remember

When I remember
I am forgotten
Pull me in
On length of twine
On tide, towards the bay
And shall I not
Destroy the call
But hold it tight
Deep in my eyes
And fight
To not forget
The tide
Though I'd rather
Stay
And hide

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

All we have

If all we have is love
Let love be blind
If all we have is peace
Let peace be kind
If all we have is sorrow
Let sorrow fall
If all we have is faith
Let faith be full

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Rubble

Cracked land
Broken, helpless, dissolved
Breached, distant, and old
Ruins sharp against the sky
Rubble, dirt
Children hurt
Shards of doors
Closed forever
No longer together
Explosions muffled
No-one's sure
What is the actual point of war

Friday, 26 March 2010

Blake's echoing green

Blake, my friend
Why don't you try
To find contentment
To lose the lies
Without a shout
Of hurried innocence
Without your self professed
Experience
A rose is not sick for always
Just as the lamb is not so pure
Nor so sweet or lean
Nor is your tiger
With twisted sinews
Such a threat
To me
Why don't you listen to
Your echos
On the echoing green
And can't you find the sadness
In what will never be
Blake, my friend
You did not think
About the truth of
Of ultimate sin
So go and think
And write some more
Whilst still in death
I'll wait for you
Upon your echoing green


Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Fishing

Drag me down to the depths
Claw my flesh from bone
And if you fish my heart out
Keep it safe and whole

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Your Secret

Empty houses
Broken gates
I walk along the street
If you meet me at the end
Perhaps your secret I will keep
And if the street has no end
And if you do not wait
I'll walk until the sun goes down
Past empty houses
And broken gates

Friday, 26 February 2010

A Woman

I knew
He wondered if I knew
What he meant
I always knew
I am a woman

Friday, 5 February 2010

Life

I was walking down a corridor
Thinking about my friends
My life
The eclectic mess

Friday, 1 January 2010

Drinking to Forget

I wish I could work when I was sober
Then I could drink to forget
Not to remember